June 20th - Revelation/The 2nd Coming (Home) of Colin

Much like how the blind man develops a compensatory heightened sense of touch; the jobless man loses the ability to silence the particular voice in one’s head that compulsively, impulsively, and pointlessly narrates the minutia of everyday life. I find myself much more in tune with my severely idle brain in the sense that I’m noticing things that would otherwise go unnoticed, conjuring thoughts that ordinarily wouldn’t have neuron real estate in a fully functioning brain. I’m wishing to humour every half-baked idea that pops into my head with a well-intentioned effort but everything ultimately boils down to principle; I’ve spent a lot of money, and while I have much more I am inclined to hold onto as much of it as I can for as long as I can. One week has become two, much like one month became two in Ireland; either history is repeating itself or this is me applying a lesson learned from that experience by being especially cautious. I edge closer and closer to that precarious point where I may be forced to make a bold decision toward some unexpected action because being idle here, in a place with much potential, is exactly what I was doing back home and I came here for a change, or at least some perspective. Yes, that old chestnut, it happened much sooner in Ireland but I’m glad my stubbornness saw me through to the end such that I could properly reflect upon it. I’m referring of course to that light bulb that unexpectedly turns back on, reminding me of squandered potential back home. Kelsey saw it too, she had lots of fun and experienced a whirlwind of emotions to go along with the excitement which allowed her to realize how much we take for granted the little things that go to make home what it is. One of the things that I’m severely lacking over here, but which continues to shape my future is music. My Ipod still only holds a handful of songs and internet is a precious commodity in this country, limiting my downloading ability. I immediately remedied the situation by purchasing that acoustic guitar but I’m continuously left wondering what I can do with any songs I write. The answer took an unexpected form; all those at the hostel I hang out at who I showed my recorded tunes to truly, honestly enjoyed them. One made my day when she remarked that one sounded like ‘’it could’ve been pulled off the charts on iTunes’’. I never really admitted to myself how much fun it had been jamming with Tom, Will and Kayla, and now I realize how much I miss it. In Ireland I had a number of songs and artists that I played repeatedly that I now associate with my times there. For those of you who know my guitar playing style it will come as no surprise that it was there that I came to appreciate Horse Feathers. Their song ‘’Working Poor’’ felt as though it were written for me at the time (except for the ‘’working’’ part). Over here I haven’t had nearly as much choice or chances to find my way through a bunch of songs but I’ve found one and that’s all I need. In the early months of my Europe experience, In spite of all my bad luck, I kept having this dream where I found myself back home and wanting but unable to get back to Ireland to see my trip through to the end. It felt eerily real every time I had it, which was more times than I could count. I had that same dream last night which made me think of my New Zealand song so far, ‘’End Come To Soon’’ by Wild Beasts. I think the title speaks to me now more than anything, with respect not only to New Zealand but even more so with everything back home. I’m hoping that it’s been fate that has kept me from securing one of these long term positions I’ve been so keen to vilify because I think I’ve discovered what I’ve come here to discover which is simply this; New Zealand is an amazing place, but it’s not going anywhere. I love it here, one day down the line I can see myself returning to set up shop for good but I don’t believe that it is here and now. Just as I didn’t want to settle into anything back home I’ve found out that I don’t want to make any decision regarding settling anywhere. I am forever grateful to Kelsey for sharing those six weeks with me because it’s shown me that it’s what I want to do here and now. I miss being out on the open road with only the vaguest sense of direction. It was exhilarating knowing that I had minimal obligations and the ability to change my mind at the last minute, sorry Swampy. It isn’t hard to see that I could easily fit long-term here in Wellington; I don’t need a full year to figure that out. What’s important to me here and now is chasing those feelings of the six week holiday again. It may mean bungee jumping or skydiving again but I’m sure the thrill of discovery is waiting around many corners I’ve yet to turn. Although I have had some awesome jobs in my life, I have paid my dues, as most my age have, in some not-so-awesome ones. If this were the beginning of some long career then I’d expend more energy chasing something bigger and prestigious but I am henceforth gladly resigning myself to anything and everything because I know it will see me back on the road again soon. What this means for everyone else is that yes, you will see me back sooner rather than later, but not before I squeeze every last drop of fun out of this country that I, and my bank account, can handle. This may require me working at Pizza Hut but so be it. Jaclyn, if you are reading this, do you want to go bungee jumping? Mac, if you are reading this, come sooner and let’s go sky diving. Parents, I know you’re reading this, so come whenever and let’s do both (or you could just watch me do them if that suits you better). To everyone else reading this, if you have the time, money and inclination, come here while I still am and let’s go do what this should’ve been in the first place, a holiday, not a new life. See you all when I see you, it will not be soon and the precise details will continue to remain a mystery but prepare thyself nonetheless.