May 24th, 25th, and 26th - Queenstown

Queenstown: the adventure capital of New Zealand, if not the world. Aptly named by its founder for its beauty being worthy of Queen Victoria, Queenstown curves alongside Lake Wakatipu at the doorstep of The Remarkables and features an endless list of businesses milking tourist dollars by subjecting them to all sorts of pants-on-head crazy shenanigans. I’m glad we had our activities pre-booked as every corner of the city center is littered with shops and stalls, brightly coloured and flashing neon lights to entice the money out of your pocket with the promise of a ‘’package deal’’. Despite the best efforts of the industry to sour your image of the picturesque spot through over commercialization, the natural beauty of Queenstown shines through around every corner and it’s hard not to feel alive and in awe of the wonders of the Earth. We stopped about 20 minutes shy of the town to participate in our 2nd bungee, the Kawarau Bridge. It was the world’s first commercial bungee jump when it was opened in 1988 by Mr. A J Hackett. I felt very much like a celebrity as I strutted around in my jump gear amongst all the onlookers and caught myself openly laughing on more than one occasion as they confessed their disbelief. It turned out I had no business being cocky having only jumped once before as I was immediately put in my place by the view from the platform. It’s a feeling you can never get used to; your brain isn’t wired to be able to accept the circumstance or be obliged to willingly orient itself below your feet rather than above them. The trick is two-fold, first you have to summon the courage to hurl yourself from the platform despite the warning signals released upon seeing the distance, and secondly you must do so in a graceful swan dive or else risk injury. I was unaware of the risks of doing just a regular upright jump on an ankle based bungee and my jump off the Kawarau Bridge could’ve been rather painful had I not titled myself just enough before the moment the cord caught. As it was, I got more of a thrill and a little spice of variety instead of a whiplash injury but I vowed that I would try my hardest to overcome my pre-jump anxiety and execute a proper dive, for the sake of safety. I also learned that it was a poor judgement call on my part to drink a coffee before jumping. The caffeine and adrenaline combo had me talking a mile a minute and feeling like my heart would tear itself from my chest. The next day we did our 3rd bungee at The Ledge, a platform that juts out 400m over Queenstown accessible only by gondola. Riding up said gondola was a bit deceiving as the angle of perspective made the jump appear much more large and unnerving that it was. On this particular bungee, your jump doesn’t end anywhere near the ground which was a tad strange to accept. We arrived an hour early to fully appreciate the view and I was once again faced with a battle within my brain. We brought our friend Andy with us who was anti-bungee but pro-view and his constant utterings of ‘’you’re absolutely mental’’ didn’t help my confidence. Other than the view and stopping point, this bungee is unique in that you are harnessed at your waist, allowing your feet proper mobility to get a running start. They recommend that you try something other than the usual swan dive so I fulfilled a superhero fantasy and did a jump kick while Kelsey decided to go backwards. It certainly helped to have the running start but what started as a graceful kick into thin air disintegrated into a flailing mess into oblivion. The photos I picked up afterwards were much more forgiving than the video. The employees at the bungee stations are real pranksters, they like to toy with you about things like safety or jump time to maximize your anxiety. The guy holding the cord keeping Kelsey from falling pretended to let her go at least twice before actually doing so which resulted in the first scream I’d heard from her in the course of all these crazy activities. Kelsey had otherwise been stone faced and unflappable in the face of all this madness. That shred of doubt that exists but inevitably disappears was to that point present on me only, thus it was understandably devastating to my confidence to discover the internal turmoil evident on Kelsey’s face as we drove to the big kahuna on day 3. The Nevis bungee is 134m, three times higher than the Bridge and the Ledge. Not only did we have to tackle this behemoth but immediately afterwards we knew we were doing the Nevis Arc, a canyon swing that is another 25m or so higher than the bungee pod. The sketchy gravel road drive up an astoundingly steep hill was our introduction to our D-Day. There were 6 of us on a bus that could’ve sat about 50, I wonder why? The explicit instruction that no refunds would be given to non-jumpers brought about a nervous chuckle from the group. The bungee pod itself is suspended on a series of wires about 150m above the Nevis Gorge, accessible only by a shaky cage that ferries you out to the seemingly levitating shelter. We were once again selected according to weight so I was 2nd to jump. Icy vein Kelsey remained visibly shaken which usually would’ve seen wobbly-knee Colin worse for wear but for whatever reason I had come to terms with my potential demise and felt, dare I say it, excited. If you recall, standard operating procedure calls for the jumper to reach up on the 2nd or 3rd rebound to pull a safety cord attached to their left ankle which swings them right-side up for the lift back up the top. I dove without hesitation, cool as a cucumber and straight as an arrow looking like a regular James Bond and was clear headed enough to appreciate the experience and remember the instructions. I did the mid-air crunch and found the bright red cord and pulled. No response. I pulled again, and again, and again. No response. Before I had time to panic I was being pulled back up so I just fell limp and accepted it. Thus it was that I was slowly pulled back upside down from 134m below a floating shack in the middle of nowhere in back country New Zealand. All the blood was rushing to my head and I was spinning circles in the wind but it was one of the greatest moments of my life. But wait, don’t get comfortable Colin, you have to go higher! Yes, always higher. To the swing pod we went. It sits at the end of a shaky bridge above the bungee pod like a watchful guardian. Kelsey and I decided on the tandem swing as a symbol of our pact that saw us through all this ridiculousness that may have otherwise gone undone. We suited up and sat floating alongside one another, fittingly at the highest point yet. The operator asked us if we’d like a countdown or a surprise, though I believe they give you a surprise regardless of your choice. Without warning you drop into the gorge as if someone cut out the seat beneath you and before you can open your mouth to scream or to curse the operator you find yourself hurtling towards the other side at over 100kph. From the viewing platform you become an infinitesimal speck amidst the rock before disappearing completely. Unlike the bungees, your brain manages to sort itself out in enough time to realize that what you are doing is immensely enjoyable. No matter how shitty you are feeling (and I will admit that on all the Queenstown jumps my stomach was off) these post free fall sensations cure what ails you. Perhaps in response to her moment of weakness before the bungee, Kelsey waylaid anyone doubts I had in her confidence when she opted to do the swing again, solo, and upside down! Picture me giggling myself silly watching Kelsey try to swing her legs through loops above her head while suspended almost 200m above sweet, safe and level ground. It was scarier watching her do that than actually sitting beside her all strapped in and swinging. Now that it’s all over and all I have left is the photos and the memories I’m sure I’ll be asked if it was worth it. My response; best $500 I ever spent. I’m sure Mr. Hackett is also happy as he sits in his office, feet up, smoking a cigar, laughing and counting the combined $1250 we gave his company. Combine all these jumps with some of the best food ever and you have another spectacular stop to add to an already spectacular trip. For all of you who woke up today feeling a bit bored with nothing to do, my advice to you is to come to New Zealand, jump the Nevis, eat a monstrous $17 Fergburger, put back a few pints of Monteith’s and sit back and enjoy the starry night sky. Wash, rinse, and repeat.