As someone with a little more experience in the hosteling universe, I attempted to dissuade Kelsey from choosing the particular hostel in Tauranga she was interested in. Although it has a population similar to that of Red Deer, Tauranga is the 6th largest city in New Zealand meaning that it would have more of a big city feel than one might expect. After our week of solitude on sparsely populated tracts of beachfront, Kelsey was ready for a night on the town, and I’ll admit I was too. For this reason, she suggested we consider the most centrally located hostel called Loft 109 Backpackers. I had my heart set on a little place 20 minutes from the city centre called ‘Just the Ducks Nuts’; the name alone being a sure sign of an off-beat, welcoming place. Since our arrival in the country we had been blessed with a series of amazing hostels, all of which were clean with spacious, well stocked kitchens. Their main selling point however had been the amount of privacy for the price we paid. We’ve been paying on average about $25 NZD (under $20 CDN) for a twin room each night, and on those nights where we opted for a share (up to 4 people) or a dorm (4+ people), we’ve been lucky enough to find most of them empty of other travellers. Loft 109 broke our chain of good luck in every way possible. Our hostel guide advertised that it had parking available but upon inquiry the young girl at the desk denied this, taking our money before we could reconsider. A small, handwritten sign behind her head declared that all prices had increased as of May 1st (yesterday), making our plan to save some cash by sleeping in a dorm irrelevant. Entering the dorm room brought a punch to the face courtesy of a pungent mix of body odour being battled by too much axe. We took the two empty top bunks and escaped immediately, holding our breath. Passing through the common room, we ran into the creatures that had produced the stink, a posse of nerds playing World of Warcraft at the shared computer terminals. Their leader was some short, repugnant German freak who was fond of chasing the female guests around with busy fingers. Easily the greasiest human being I’ve had the displeasure of sharing company with in recent memory. We decided then and there that we’d leave the hostel immediately, returning only to eat and sleep, and that at first light we would hop in the car and switch to another place. This experience brought about our 2nd resolution; to only stay in hostels with ratings of 80%/4 stars or higher in our trusted hostel bible. We parked the car in an overnight garage which was a tad pricey, though not as bad as some other cities I’ve been to. We wandered the city centre buying toiletries to replace the ones I’d left in a bag sitting on the windowsill of the last hostel. We eventually found ourselves at Mount Maunganui, a coastal suburb dominated by the mountain in question that is in possession of one of the most congenial beaches I’d ever seen. Generous portions of white sand stretch as far as the eye can see in both directions, complimented by interesting rock formations here and there. This place exists on a small strip of land, culminating in an oval whose pinnacle is dotted with luxury lodges and cute coffee shops. We lay on a grassy outcrop that was practically floating in the sea and relaxed, eating mandarin oranges straight from a tree at the last hostel. It was soon time to return for dinner where we were greeted with a kitchen that would be best suited for about 3 people, though at this particular time it was attempting to accommodate about 12. Apparently the nerds were in dire need of sustenance to continue their gaming marathon, so a handful of their minions commandeered the entire kitchen space at the precise time that others were looking to cook dinner such that they could conjure up a variety of sugary desserts. It was impossible for us to use the internet to pass the time as their gaming was taking up all available bandwidth. We were eventually able to secure a hob and make pasta which we devoured hungrily and then proceeded to escape back to the sanctuary of the outdoors. The evening found us in the Crown and Badger pub, right on the waterfront. It turned out that Tuesday’s are game night, so Kelsey and I entered as Team Canada while we sipped some local brews brought to us by a bartender who happened to be from New Brunswick. Despite most of the trivia being very much kiwi-oriented and being on a team that was only a duo whereas most had 5+, we found ourselves leading after 2 rounds. I guess the flabbergasted locals didn’t count on two university degree holding Canadians to waltz in and steal their thunder. Our success was short lived as the later rounds held many questions related to rugby and shitty New Zealand sitcoms, but we did admirably enough and had the host singing O Canada throughout the evening. It turns out that linens, duvets, and towels were all extras that required purchasing so we slept on empty beds out of spite. Kelsey used my hoodie as a quilt, I used my Spoon t-shirt. We were awoken several times by the nerds, often arguing in French, and a cell phone that went off periodically through the night. We were up at first light and got the hell out of there as fast as we could. At checkout, some different employee at the front desk informed us that street parking was indeed free and available after a certain hour. Needless to say, we were not impressed. Rather than risk finding another hellhole of a hostel we decided to continue on the ol’ dusty trail and leave the otherwise beautiful Tauranga behind with hope that the known tourist hot-spot of Rotorua would welcome us with open arms. It did.
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