May 18th and 19th - Kaikoura

It’s a few days from officially being winter here in New Zealand; The South Island mustn’t have gotten the memo. If this is the worst their weather gets then why bother calling it winter at all? Case in point; I shouldn’t be getting sunburnt every day if its winter. You wouldn’t know it’s the off season by looking outside, only by booking activities do you begin to realize it. The discounts on already discounted prices are becoming commonplace, much to the excitement of Kelsey and me. After a successful day of drinking and driving (or boozing and biking if that sounds a little more acceptable) we were faced with the tough decision of heading either northwest to Abel Tasman National Park or south along the coast towards Kaikoura and earthquake country. Our eventual decision to go south was based on the belief that another epic endurance activity like our river journey was not something we should be jumping into without proper planning. In the national park we would’ve been sea kayaking out into the wilderness with nowhere to stay but camped under the stars for at least a couple of nights. We’d enjoyed the creature comforts of wine country so much I doubt either of us was eager for the opportunity to become homeless mountain men again. Kaikoura is a couple hours south of Blenheim, between which there is a whole lot of nothing population-wise, but a whole lot of everything scenery-wise. When the earth was created and the ingredients of beauty sprinkled about, it was done so carelessly; New Zealand has been given more than the lion’s share. Whenever someone in Red Deer, or Flint, Michigan, or any other unsightly place looks out their front window and wonders where all the prettiness went, the answer is invariably New Zealand. I thought that on the whole, the North Island gave any place I’d yet seen in the world a run for its money in the looks department, but the South Island makes the North Island look like a steaming pile. We wanted to pull over every few kilometers as photo op after photo op revealed itself around each corner. We stopped for lunch at a solitary cafe on the ocean that appeared out of nowhere after miles and miles of remoteness. We may have missed out on it had it not been for a massive recommendation from our backpacking bible, the Lonely Planet guide we pinched from the hostel all the way back in Piha. The fare was worthy of the view; Kelsey’s piece of lasagne was forged in the oven of God himself, and my organic apple pear beverage was a tall, cool glass of angels’ tears. After our kingly meal we followed the recommendation from a couple we’d met from Los Angeles for a path off the highway where seals come in the winter to play under a waterfall. It was as cute as it sounds; fifty or so seal pups in a 5m by 7m pool at the base of a waterfall doing barrel rolls and chasing bits of plants that had fallen into the water. I bet we stood transfixed for a solid 45 minutes. Now, I’m trying to think of some terrible simile or metaphor to describe Kaikoura but am failing. What would be one of the most picturesque little towns on any bay in New Zealand on its own is given the extra gift of possessing an extreme proximity to the Southern Alps. I would often find myself forgetting that this mountain range lay behind me and would turn around and be astounded by its presence over and over again. Kaikoura is the place to be for marine life tours with whale watching and dolphin swims possible. In order to balance our recent comfort with our desire for adventure we chose to go out on a small fishing vessel to catch perch, blue cod, and crayfish for our dinner. The owner, however, was not feeling as adventurous and cancelled the trip due to poor ocean conditions. We were forced into eating crayfish fritters and garlic scallops from a seaside BBQ shack. Tasty, yes, but healthy, not so much, which had become a tiny bit of an issue for me. Back in Blenheim, and in the spirit of spontaneity, I had purchased an entire cake from a bakery simply because I wanted a slice of it. After cutting it with my finger and eating it with my hands in the car like a raging fat ass I set it out on the counter of the hostel with a handwritten sign stating that it was free for anyone to come have a slice. There was only one taker by dinner time so I ate from it periodically over the next few days leaving my stomach a bit off, partially from its sweetness and partially from the fact that it was from a discount shelf and had expired the day after purchase. I relate this to you because we were successful in our attempt to get aboard the fishing vessel the next morning and my upset stomach came back to haunt me in full force. We made it out to a depth of 80m and I’d cast my line in three times with but one fish caught when I realized that I couldn’t fight it anymore, the sea was having its way with my equilibrium. I handed my rod to the captain, popped two Gravol caplets and slumped into a chair while Kelsey continued to reel in the fish behind me. I managed to keep the embarrassingly unhealthy contents of my stomach inside me but it had taken all my strength and I was pale and sweaty by the time we reached the shore. I believe it was out of pity that the captain didn’t charge us extra money as he took us to his house and cooked the crayfish up nice and proper for us. We’d seen crayfish advertised at over $25 the day before at the BBQ shack so we felt as though we’d gotten away with murder as we escaped back to the car with both the filleted fish and two full crayfish. We are now stopped at Hanmer Springs, a small tourist spot that was convenient on the stretch to the opposite coast. After eating our crayfish dinner, complete with many ‘that’s what she saids’ and diarrhoea jokes as we pulled meat from their tails, we are now lounging by the fire and plotting our route down the sparsely populated West coast. Although we were unable to go surfing with him, we did meet up with our British friend Andy for billiards and a pint last night and he remarked on the poor choice of name for my blog (Colin in New Zealand), I have another name in mind but I’m open to suggestions for something with a little more pizazz.